single and satisfied?

i should be reading, but starting a new blog has given me something fun to do. does the page look more homey now? not as in gangsta' homey, but, you know.

i still have not received my paper from my class, but today we were told we would have them by tuesday. i had to exegete a poem today. i think it went well.

i've been spending a lot of time in the library, which - don't get me started. don't even get me started - has become my hell away from home. it's not that i despise my classwork, i really enjoy it. in fact, reading and studying the reprisal by george herbert was very enjoyable. it made me wish i had more opportunity to pursue literary studies, but it's so time consuming. it's a task that is never ending. i do wish i could stay at home and read. yesterday i attempted to and ended up sitting on the couch watching a movie with my roommate. i finally made myself leave, mid movie, to go to the library.

at the library, there are always friends and that makes the time spent much more enjoyable. yesterday, my friend christy and i were speaking when we were interrupted by another friend (a male) who asked something like, "isn't that right, christy?" assuming that we had been listening to his conversation with our other friend, he interrupted our own in an effort to be supported in his claim that it is possible to be "single and satisfied." once the question was clarified, "aren't you single and satisfied?", my friend responded with a "yeah" that was lacking in credibility. he was surprised, so i clarified - sometimes it's enough, even great, but single life has its moments. we're satisfied, it just depends on when you ask.

christy and i then went on to make our jokes about the whole matter, which will not be repeated here (or anywhere else - right, christy?). i drove home wondering if i was really satisfied or if i just always lied when i said i was. my conclusion brought me to a moment of extreme gratitude for my faith in God.

the truth is that i do sometimes find myself lonely. i am not always satisfied when i grocery shop alone, watch a movie alone, drive with the windows down listening to a great song alone, laugh at the surprisingly funny things i see while walking around campus alone. there are times when i wish i had someone beside me, perhaps holding my hand, who would say, "did you see that?" then i'd simply say, "yeah." and we'd laugh until we stopped at our expected destination. it seems like such a simple request. why is it so difficult to have?

at the height of my frustration, i was reminded of the great community i have with my family, friends at school, work, and church, and, of course, with God. i wasn't alone at all. i hope that i will arrive at this conclusion as quickly the next time i encounter a moment of weakness, but who knows? last night i was grateful in that moment. with windows down, i cranked up the song playing: "if you fall will you get up? stuck in a dream will you wake up? if you find love will you hold on to it?" and drove my satisfied self home.