it's sometimes better to laugh

by 5:00 friday evening, i had a total of 8-10 hours of sleep - for the week. in the middle of writing three papers, a book review, class reading, working on the seminary journal (which may not be out in time, yikes), and work, there were some surprises. the paper-writing and stuff isn't that big of deal, really. i mean, i knew all along that was coming. but the heat going out in the house (making for extremely cold nights and lack of sleep), my alarm clock deciding to quit working (in the middle of the night), a stress induced fever blister, my neglecting to save a paper on the flash disk (i went to print it, but it was nowhere to be found), even the friendly people from school who randomly stopped to chat while i was working on my paper in the library (as they should, i'm not complianing about that - it's just not planned) - those things were unexpected. on thurs. morning when i, running late (remember the alarm clock?), discovered that i had no paper to print out for class, i thought about getting mad, maybe crying, but it seemed more appropriate to laugh. isn't this all really ridiculous sometimes? it's impossible to take myself so seriously, when at every turn i'm reminded that there are so many things i have no control over. i'm not talking about a tragic kind of ridiculous, where knowledge of my lack of control leads to complete apathy or depression. this is more a redemptive kind of ridiculous. where my finitude reminds me that there is something greater. Someone willing to listen to my complaints and help me place them in correct perspective. at 4 AM, on thurs. night/fri. morning when i was still in the library realizing i would have another night of minimal sleep, i was again frustrated with myself, and tired, moody. but having just finished peter devries the blood of the lamb before thanksgiving, all i could think about was wanting to throw at least half a pie in the face of the statue...and that made me laugh.

see, devina, if you had read the book over the holidays like i wanted you to, you would catch the allusion and appreciate my entry a lot more.