in s.angelo

i'm at my parents' house in san angelo for the majority of the week. that means i have access to a computer. by the time i woke up today at 7:30, almost everyone had already left the house for school, work, etc. in bed, i was in an unsteady state of sleep and could hear the conversations that were going on in the house. they were incorporated into my dreams. i felt as though it was the first day of school, and i was going to be late.

i don't really know what to blog about today. i could write about moving, but that would just make me sad. i could write about the excitement i feel for what i'll be doing, but most everyone's heard that already.

when i tell people about what i'm doing, most ask me how i became interested in the subject. it all started with this book -

i first read excerpts from yoder's book three years ago when i wrote a paper on the political nature of the kingdom of God. then, a year and a half ago, i read the entire book for a class i was taking. i was intrigued by the issues that yoder spoke about, but wasn't convinced by all the things he said. i had issues with his thoughts on subjugation and believed that his refusal to participate in secular politics was an easy way out of dealing with the real problems of society. at the time, i was convinced that if the church was to have any significant influence on society, it would need to be active in changing policy.

i read the book again. this time for a class on social justice. the class read yoder after reading walter rauschenbusch, reinhold niebuhr, gustavo gutierrez, marvin olasky, and karen lebacqz's six theories of justice, which included philosophical and theological perspectives on social ethics. when i read yoder alongside all these others, my views on his stance began to change. everyone's solutions seemed truncated, or compromised, but yoder wasn't necessarily trying to offer any solutions. his challenge is for the church to be faithful to the politics of the kingdom it represents, whether or not they are effective. i felt i must be a pacifist, whether or not i believed war was necessary to overthrow evil dictators, because it was the way of Christ. many of my ideas began to change. but it was difficult to act the way i wanted to. i felt the only way i could enact the ideals i was challenged to embrace was if i could find a community of people who thought the same way and who were practicing things in the same way. it was during this time that i became interested in church communities that were very intentional about living together, sharing things together, visible enough to be different in the society they were living.

i began researching intentional communities and found there were so many in existance. for those interested, this page is an online directory of many intentional communities. it has a place where you can search according to different preferences. it was through this research, and much prayer, that i ended with the three different communities in mind to visit. and we all know how the story ends. i fell in love with reba place, and that's where i'll be heading on friday.


while i was in india, i read this book by shane claiborne. so much of what he writes resounds with my own dreams and passions. i felt so unoriginal knowing that someone else had been led down the same path, through simliar thought experiences. at the same time, it was extremely helpful to read. i have asked everyone in my family to read the book in order to better understand my decision to move to reba place. i hope they will.

then, there's this book that i picked up and read during my stay at reba place. it's the one that i think may cause some to squirm a little. wendell berry is very frank and speaks against practices by those on both sides of the line. but i his thoughts are valuable and have helped me better communicate the reasons for my convictions.

so, if you're interested in the things that have pushed me toward this move to chicago. these are three books i recommend.

i haven't been to a computer

having no access to the internet has forced me to forego the blogging for a while...well, that and the whole moving thing.

hopefully i can give a full update once i am in chicago.

me + radio + tv = something to blog about

i think i'm in love. yesterday on all things considered, i heard michele norris interview jose gonzales. he was crushable when he spoke - he has this lovely, unique accent that is a blend of his european and latin american roots (his parents are from argentina, and he was born in sweden). when i heard his music, i fell in love.

it's enough to make me a little sad that i'm missing acl. please tell me you will go see him. he plays on the last day of the festival from 3:30-4:30 at the at&t blue room. no one worthwhile overlaps his concert. trust me. you'll like. if you click on the link above, you can listen to the interview. if you go to the bottom of page under "related npr stories," there's a link to hear him in concert.



in other news...did you watch project runway? michael kors was back! though he was a little boring. he didn't give us any prized phrases to repeat and use as often as we can in conversation. i was excited that michael won. he is quickly becoming my favorite.

but what was up with this?
bradley's modern day version of cher was horrible. my friend jonmark said he took a costume design class once for theater. he's pretty sure he could make this outfit. now that i look at the picture, i realize how bad it really was.

jonmark called it and knew bradley was the one to go.

i have to say, though, last night i was really hoping that vincent would be the one to go. his twiggy outfit was disgusting. the whole presentation (especially with the fake lashes drawn on his model) made me think of the movie clockwork orange. plus, he really annoys me. maybe he'll be "auf'd" next week.

nothing like a little project runway to help pass an hour with mindless conversation and good fashion. well, good minus bradley and vincent.

i'm moving

a friend of mine brought to my attention the fact that i've never said (at least not on this blog) that i will be officially leaving to chicago. it's true. i'm moving on sept.1. so, quickly...

more about reba place fellowship and what i'll be doing - it's actually a really cool community that started in 1957 by some students from goshen college. the place boomed in the mid '70's and was beginning to die out until recently. within the last 2-3 yrs. a lot of younger people who came as interns have stayed. it's given hope to the original members that the community will continue.

the fellowship spans about 5 or 6 blocks in evanston. they have bought houses and apts in the area in which they live as households. there are 35 members of the fellowship and 5 or 6 households. the ex- interns will be establishing a new one in sept. i will be living in a household called "the clearing," which is made up of 12 other people. it's multi-generational, and i will probably be one of the youngest persons there. the houses and apts. that are not used by people working with reba place are rented out as affordable living homes for those with lower incomes.

they have a lot of things they're doing - a daycare, a homeless shelter, a food pantry, a local grocery store, a sister community that has a farm (connected with the csa), their own plot in a community garden, a store where they sell their hand-made crafts, a garage where they fix up old bikes and sell or give them away. they get their vegetables from the farm and shop at the grocery store. there are some artists in the community that are doing very interesting things. as an apprentice, i will be working with an afterschool program that they have established, living in one of the households, and interacting with the other apprentices through reading and discussion, prayer times, and some shared meals.

i trust that this will be a challenging and joyful experience for me to learn about community, to rid myself of a false need for independence, and to cultivate habits that deny the facade of what seems to be in order to live in the true reality of another kingdom.

i hope to have time to write a little more about it. for now, it's back to boxes and work.

one month

yesterday i finally finished my india reflection paper. now it's time to start going through my belongings and packing. only, i don't want to start yet. i want to believe that i still have a long time left here. my days are filled with a movement from excitement to saddness. i get very excited when i think about the new experiences that await me at reba place, but it doesn't help the fact that i will no longer be able to see the people i love as regularly as i do now.

here's the conclusion to my paper:

He sat on the floor with his body wrapped in saffron colored clothing. A saffron colored turban covered his head, but his thick, uncut beard let me know that underneath the turban was hair that had also been allowed to grow. It was part of his vow, he said to us. After years of struggling with what it meant to be Hindu and follow Christ, this man, who we called Swami G (a Hindu title that identifies the bearer as a learner of religious and spiritual matters), spoke to us about how his calling led him to make choices that eventually exiled him from both Hindu and Christian communities. He made lifestyle choices that many Christians in India could not endorse – he refused to eat meat as proof of his faith in Christ; he continued to wear the traditional clothing of his culture; he would not marry and would not cut his hair. He lived simply and humbly, believing all his decisions to be guided by his relationship with God. Yet, those within his own culture could not understand him. His choices were made in devotion to a God who was embraced by those in the West. He did not participate fully in their worship acts to their gods. Why was he so exclusive? Why did he not embrace the Hindu gods if he was a renouncer within the Hindu tradition?
Swami G spoke and I began to see that the products of his labor were not the vows and decisions that he had made, but the happiness and satisfaction of knowing that he was in God’s will. Though he was an enigma to many in his country, he was being used by God to make known the love and salvation of Christ to reunite humanity with Deity.
My own choices - to be a vegetarian, to begin the purging of my possessions, to live more simply, to buy less, to find an intentional Christian community in which to live, to possibly remain single the rest of my life – were ones that I made (am considering) prayerfully and deliberately. But these are not the defining yields of my relationship with Christ. They are only my markings, my delights, my attempts to move beyond this world and into life in the Kingdom come. They are choices I make to ensure that I will not be tempted to simply walk by the rows of people Christ demands I stop and love. They are the changes I am making to answer the question I wrote in my journal a few days before I left for my trip: What must I change for my life to be in complete submission? Not to society, not to tradition, not to family, not to norms, but to God’s calling in my life.