ding-dong the wedding bells have rung

the wedding this weekend was a huge racket. i guess for the most part i heard the enjoyable chimes of the wedding bells. i was extremely happy for my two friends, admirous of their commitment to one another, encouraged by their willingness to begin a life together... and then there were times when an awareness of all the other emotions in the crowd kept me very confused. sometimes people seemed sad, definitely tired, depressed, anxious, busy. there were a lot of times during the weekend that i had no idea what to do, so i found a seat and stayed seated until someone called me to do something. weddings are a little annoying, to be honest. i've spent so much money on friends who have married. i've spent countless hours helping prepare things, buying gifts and dresses, traveling - whatever. the novelty is definitely wearing. in fact, when the moment came to catch the flowers, i, sin verguenza, refused. i sat down and was adamant in my refusal. i think it's been almost ten years of being forced to stand with the crowd to make it look like there's an adequate representation of single girls. this time i wasn't going to let it happen. i don't have to go in to how degrading the whole act is. you all know.

it was exhausting, but there were moments of sweetness. being able to be with friends was the best part of it all. after the wedding, those of us who found ourselves left as singles walked to a great restaurant and enjoyed a fine meal together. we stayed up late that night as scottie switched the channels between the first world series game and the baylor football game. marriages are sweet, but i am so utterly content with my single life that i almost loathe those moments when i feel as though i'd be happier married.

i have decided, though, that most of how i feel is due to the fact that i have great friends in waco. i'm starting to believe that the true beauty in marriage lies in the instant, permanent companionship that comes with it - not necessarily the passion and romance (though that is a part of it all). i do wonder what will happen if i find myself suddenly without my friends. will i wish i had married someone to be a constant companion?

i've been listening to "on the road" by jack kerouac on cd. it's the best thing to listen to while i'm driving, with the descriptions of the scenery and talk about traveling. i had taken a break from it a couple of weeks ago, but after the wedding i decided i should listen to it again. i put on the next cd this morning and in the first chapter on the cd, i hear matt dillon read: "I want to marry a girl," I told them, "so I can rest my soul with her till we both get old. This can't go on all the time—all this franticness and jumping around. We've got to go some place, find something."

great.

then my fall break will begin!

after my 10:30 class today, i realized that i had inadvertently committed myself to four different things for lunch - covenant group (always scheduled at lunch on thurs.), an interest meeting for the trip to india, a meeting for the editorial board of the journal, and lunch with my friend chris (in for his wedding this weekend). i chose to go to the interest meeting and call my friend to tell him i'd be a little late. i think my covenant group chose not to meet, but i'll probably receive some type of scolding for missing the journal meeting.

after lunch, i decided i wouldn't go to work. the make up taas testing has been leaving me without appointments. then, i remembered i had to give a presentation at waco high over the new sat. so now i'm at the office looking over the presentation and getting what i need. my fall break won't officially start until 5:30 - but i'm free tomorrow! no class. no work. i plan to clean the house, start some research (much delayed), and relax as i read. maybe i'll get ahead.

i think those aspirations may be too high. there is, after all, a wedding in town this weekend. i will be a groomswoman in a black strapless dress. i am sure to be awkward and unknowing of what role to play, exactly. the two things are situations i've never really found myself in before - 1)standing on the grooms side, 2)wearing a strapless dress. but none of that really matters when two dear friends are forming a beautiful union of companionship, love, mutual responsibility - all the stuff that forces me to find marriage quite admirable. Not necessarily desirable, but certainly admirable. maybe my attitude will be changed after the ceremony.

when i'm bold...

i have been given some relief for the week. i had two midterms this week in my hardest classes. for my scriptures 1 class i studies an absurd amount of hours, neglecting the essay that was supposed to be due today for my midterm in gospel and the imagination. in between memorizing the lineage from abraham to moses, i gathered my thoughts on how to synthesize the works of karl barth, kallistos ware, flannery o'connor. i had spent a lot of time thinking about what theme i wanted to write on and spent a good amount of time thinking of a good title, intro, and conclusion. on tuesday, i started writing and began stressing out. there was no way the paper could be as good as i wanted it to be by thurs. i decided to do something i've never done - ask the professor to consider an extension.

it's crazy because he has the reputation of being one of the hardest, no nonsense professors; yet, i was willing to call him up and ask him if he would consider allowing the class to turn in the paper next tuesday instead of thursday. the thing that made me start thinking about asking was that in class, he made the mistake of saying that our tests were due on tuesday (two class periods from then). then, at the end of class, we discovered that he had the days mistaken and that he really wanted our essays on thursday (next class). i decided to call his grad asst. to ask him what he thought about my asking for an extension. instead, the professor answered. i clumsily asked about his policy for giving extensions. "not good, celina. not good." is what he said. "ok. that's what i needed to know. thank you." i said.

the next day i had spent a considerable amount of time on the paper, after taking my midterm, and decided to go home and take a shower. the idea was that i could take a shower now and spend the night in the library working. when i came out of the shower i saw that i had missed three calls from a friend in our class. when i returned the call, he asked me if i had read the email. our professor had given us an extension! i was so glad; i wanted to call everyone and let them know.

don't worry. i voiced a prayer of gratitude and prayed that my friends (who are just as swamped as i am) would receive the same type of kindness and grace from their professors.

now, i have more to do this weekend, but it will definitely be worth it.

i also started my job at waco high this week. i have a computer in my office with internet. that should explain why i'm posting...

two midterms this coming week- dr. ngan's scriptures 1 on wednesday and dr. wood's gospel and the imagination due on thurs. it's a paper. i slept in until almost 9 today and am now at the library wasting time and calling it studying.

yesterday i made vegetable soup. i didn't mean to, but i ended up making a lot of vegetable soup. i invited many people to come eat, but we only managed to eat one of the two pots. i will be having soup for another week. if any would like some...

when i was taking out the trash yesterday, i saw a man outside the hospital in those dark green/almost turqouise scrubs talking on the phone. no doubt the sucky signal you get in the hospital had sent him out to make the call. "she has a full head of red hair!" he said with a huge grin on his face that i could see from our driveway. i know i've mentioned before how much i enjoy living by the hospital. i will miss these kinds of moments if we ever really do move.

did you watch u2 on conan the other night? they were funny. on oct. 13th, my morning jacket is going to be on. they're on tour and are going to be in texas in november. oh! guess who else is going to be in texas? ben folds! i really want to see him. on november 20th he'll be in austin at the bass concert hall. tickets went on sale yesterday but they're hard to get. it's through the student events center at austin and i can't find how to order them online. it's the weekend before thanksgiving holiday. it may be easier to see them in dallas at the nokia stadium. those tickets you can buy online. anyway, we can't forget to watch the new austin city limits on pbs. ben folds is on oct. 29th.

acl - day three

i think i've lost my gusto for writing about acl. i think i've lost my gusto. i'm not even sure if that's really the word i'm looking for (gusto), but it's almost one in the morning, i've just finished my outline for class tomorrow, and i have about ten chapters of the bible left to read.

let me just say that on day three it was stinking hot. it was worse than any day i could remember last year. jen and i made it to the very front of the crowd - there was no way of getting any closer lawfully. i saw eisley, a cute young band that could stand to get a few more practices in before the next performance. then, i heard doves for the first time. they were really great. they definitely set the tone for the next concerts i would see - arcade fire, wilco, tortoise - they were all phenomenal and worth missing coldplay to hear.

jen and i made friends with the people around us and were repeatedly asked if we were from austin. i took the question as a great compliment. i don't think jen was as honored. i also saw an ex-student. this is really crazy - i see him almost every time i'm in austin. he was one of my first students in the first spanish class i ever taught. he is now a spanish major at ut austin. what am i doing squandering my life at the library? i should be out inspiring more young minds to embrace the world of languages...