acl - day two

jen and i woke up early to meet my cousin dawn at trudy's - a good austinian place for brunch, she said. after my breakfast taco of egg and potato, i was ready to see some shows. i decided to forgo the stage jumping of the day before and camped out at the cingular stage for jet and oasis. jen and i positioned ourselves on the second or third row

kathleen edwards was up first. the announcer came and said that because of traveling conditions due to the hurricane, kathleen edwards was not coming. instead, we heard deadboy & the elephantman. they weren't bad. they held my attention for the most part, but i don't know that i would have set out to see them if i had heard them before. after them, i was able to hear a band i have wanted to see for a long time. built to spill did not disappoint me. they only played a couple of songs i knew, but i really enjoyed the concert. if you haven't heard them, you should definitely listen to some of their music. i realized after i had to endure death cab for cutie that what i appreciate most about built to spill is their courage to be bold and unique in their music. death cab was so BORING! and their fans were even more annoying. to my left was a drunk 18 yr. old yelling to a cute girl across the way that he wanted "to be on" her and quoting napoleon dynamite lines, behind me was a girl really wanting to get past me. "i'm so sorry. i feel so bad," she said with a smile on her face, "i'm just so short. everyone's been letting me get in front of them." i looked at her and told her she was just about the same size as me, so she should be fine behind me. the smile disappeared from her face. later she tricked some guys into letting her get in front of them by saying she was just going to take a picture, but she never moved back. i told her it was rude to lie like that. she looked at me scared - her eyes got really big. i was happy, though, that i didn't have to listen to her sing loudly and off-key behind me. the members of death cab are talented musicians, they're just doing the same thing. it was nothing new, and they just stood there and played. no energy, no interaction, no passion. their lack of enjoyment made me wish i was anywhere else, but i had to wait out for jet and oasis.

after the death cab show, people started pushing in like their lives depended on being as close to the stage as possible. i found myself wedged between lots of people yelling, "hey! wait! don't push! we still have an hour before the next concert!" but they're weren't hearing any of it. i used my best skills to endure. i stuck out my elbows, pushed back, yelled, but nothing helped. it was the hottest and most uncomfortable i have ever been. i told myself that i could leave or stay, but either way i wasn't going to see oasis because if i stayed i was going to die. as soon as i announced i was leaving, people backed up off me, eager for my spot. by this point jen had already left, so i called her and found her at the capital metro stage. by the time i reached her, i had chastised myself for not being able to hang with the other concert goers and had spilled water on the ground, splashing the newly formed mud all over my feet and pants. jen was sitting pretty under some shade on bleachers. the capital metro stage had a covering and places for people to sit. the dirty dozen brass band was playing, there was a lot of room, people were dancing and having a good time. i was in a different world - away from the disgruntled, angry at the world fans who were too cool to show that they actually enjoyed the music. i cleaned my feet, hands, and face and voiced how grateful i was to be gone from the other stage. after the brass band we explored the merchant booths. we bought a gift for our roommate (who was watching our dogs)and i purchased a necklace (which i'm wearing today!).

we went back to the capital metro stage to watch zap mama and eat our avocado wraps. zap mama was amazing. sounds from all over the world seemed to emerge from her band and were supported by her energetic voice and performance. everyone was dancing and enjoying themselves. they actually tried to get her to come back out after she ended (i've never seen a crowd try that at acl), but the stage crew came out and started tearing down the sound equipment.

jen wanted to try and buy a zap mama cd so we went to the waterloo store to see how much it was. during that time, i watched a little of oasis on the big screen from far away. they sounded good, and i was a little sad that i was missing it from my original second row viewing area, but i went home content.

we met zach and amy at their house were they had hot, vegetarian pizza awaiting us. they were such gracious hosts. we sat around and talked and shared stories of the day. it was a good way to end what could've been a bad day.

acl - day one

austin was hot. hurricane rita didn't bring us any breezes or rain. by saturday evening i was wishing it would rain just enough to pack down the dust. i kept thinking my glasses were dirty, but really it was a cloud of dust that followed us everywhere we went. dust was all over my body, sticking to the sweat, forming mud. it was great.

on friday, jen and i left around 12:30 and went straight to downtown austin to catch the shuttle to zilker park. we got there around 3:30 - in time to watch mates of state. we had a pretty decent viewing area. there were not a lot of people there, and it made me really excited. if the rest of the week was like this, i thought, we can hop from stage to stage and see everyone we want close up. jen and i tested the theory by leaving the stage to see lucinda williams. we left her a little early to treck back to the amd stage to hear spoon. i have always wanted to see them, and i was not disappointed. they put on a good show. most of the songs were from their new album, gimme fiction. they played the song i wanted to hear the most (the way we get by), so i was very excited. we decided to listen to blues traveler after spoon. they were amazing. high energy, good music, lots of fun. the sounds john popper can make with a harmonica are unbelievable. for a couple of songs, they had a brass trio play along. i promise his harmonica sounded like a trumpet. he also makes interesting sounds by getting close to the amp as he plays. their music was more busy than i remember from radio play, but i figured it was probably because it was live. they played their hits along with new songs. it was without a doubt my favorite concert that night. after them, we decided to see if we could hear lyle lovett. there was a huge crowd, though, and i wasn't excited enough to try and make my way to the front. the stage was by the festival and waterloo store, so we decided to look around as we heard lyle play and watched him on the big screen. i bought some stickers - one for me, two for my sisters. we tried to buy koozies for two of our friends, but they were sold out.

by that point, we were really tired and hungry, so we left. i think it took us like twelve minutes that night to get downtown by shuttle. the lines were so short on friday. we decided to eat at the original kirby lane on kirby lane. we got directions from a man in front of us as we walked to catch the shuttle. as soon as we got to the restaurant, i waited in line for the bathroom, cleaned by hands, feet, and face and was ready to eat. the queso at kirby lane is some of the best i've ever tasted. jen had been craving it since the moment we had decided to go there. so, while she was in the bathroom, i ordered some. i ordered migas and jen had some spinach quiche stuff with potatoes.

we stayed the night with some of our friends who had just recently moved into a new apartment. they had no furniture, but the place was clean and cool and they were happy for us to stay with them. it's so nice to be able to stay somewhere where you don't feel like an inconvenience. zach and amy were kind and hospitable. even though all they had in their place was a mattress on a floor, some food and drinks, and bathing necessities, they were willing to share and give of whatever they had. when we arrived, they were both asleep, but amy got up, let us in, and talked with us for a while before we both went to bed. i slept so well that night, even though i was on the floor. i set my alarm for 7:30 because we had decided to have breakfast with a cousin of mine the next morning at 9:00. i don't even remember when i fell asleep. it must've been right when my head met the pillow.

i'm off to eat lunch now and get some reading done that i didn't do this weekend. i'll finish off the week later.

you should be jealous: i spend all my nights at the library

as if you weren't jealous enough of my brilliance and beauty (just in case anyone is reading who doesn't really know me - that's an obvious joke)...check out the names of bands i have the possibility to see this weekend at the austin city limits fesitval.

Coldplay
Widespread Panic
Oasis
The Black Crowes
The Allman Brothers Band
Wilco
Roky Erickson & The Explosives
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Lyle Lovett & his Large Band
John Prine
Lucinda Williams
Buddy Guy
Jet
Dierks Bentley
Thievery Corporation
Arcade Fire
Death Cab for Cutie
Bob Mould Band
Built to Spill
Bloc Party
Steve Earle & The Dukes
Blues Traveler
Franz Ferdinand
Gov't Mule
Drive-By Truckers
Kasabian
Zap Mama
Robert Earl Keen
Keane
Tortoise
Doves
The Black Keys
Kaiser Chiefs
Leo Kottke & Mike Gordon
The Walkmen
Jason Mraz
Rilo Kiley
Spoon
The Decemberists
The Bravery
Eisley
Blue October
Grupo Fantasma
Kermit Ruffins
The Dirty Dozen Brass Band
Bettye La Vette
Rev. Dan Willis & The All Nations Choir
Morgan Heritage
Ricardo Lemvo & Makina Loca
Ruthie Foster
deSol
The Frames
Mates of State
Mindy Smith
Martin Sexton
The Fiery Furnaces
Aterciopelados
Kathleen Edwards
Asleep at the Wheel
M83
Tegan and Sara Mike Doughty's Band
Split Lip Rayfield
Rachael Yamagata
Bobby Bare Jr.
Mofro
The Ditty Bops
The New Amsterdams
Ambulance Ltd
Slightly Stoopid
dios (malos)
Brave Combo
Aqualung
Dave Alvin & The Guilty Men
John Butler Trio
Bruce Robison
Missy Higgins
Nine Black Alps
Kevin Fowler
Jack Ingram
Cory Morrow
Grady
The Weary Boys
Wayne “The Train” Hancock
Monte Warden
Zykos
Soundteam
Asylum Street Spankers
Pong
Oliver Future
The Real Heroes
Bukka Allen
Hairy Apes BMX
Nic Armstrong & The Thieves
The Lost Trailers
The Gospel Stars
Donna The Buffalo
The Shields of Faith
Star Kids Yoga
The Jones Family Singers
South Austin Jug Band
The Lighthouse Singers
Kacy Crowley
Casey McPherson
Tristan Prettyman
The Massacoustics
Joe McDermott
Sara Hickman
Anthropos
The Palm Elementary School Choir
Lucas Miller
Imagination Movers
Free Sõl
Jeff Black
KJAE
Austin Hartley-Leonard
Maneja Beto
Austin Collins Band
The Biscuit Brothers
Naturally Seven
Patrick Davis
Kelley Hunt
Kate York
The Experiment Experience

and now i'm off to try and outline a chapter for tomorrow in time to hang out a little bit with friends. we'll see if it actually happens.

i'm older than i've ever been and now i'm even older

i remember loving to be outside in the rain when i was younger. once mom bought us all umbrellas that were clear with a pink stripe along the edge and a picture of a popular cartoon dog. i can't remember the name of the dog. we would take our umbrellas outside and enjoy sitting in the rain. when i was in high school and it rained, it was a bit of a drag. our school had the crappiest drainage system and small ponds would form everywhere. still, i liked it. in college rain didn't keep us away from football games. once my friends and i had traveled to see a game and were not expecting the rain, so we went to a store and bought trash bags to wear. we stayed the whole time at the game, and it rained practically the whole time.

so. why is it that now, as a 28 yr. old, i dread having to go out in the rain? when was the switch turned? last saturday one of my friends had free tickets to the baylor game. a little bit before i left the house to meet up with everyone, it started raining. i really didn't want to go. i don't know why. i just could not get myself excited about standing in the rain or getting wet. walking through the wet grass and mud annoyed me. i think i even made some comment about how my body wasn't made to live through those kind of conditions. i don't know if the word for what i've become is prissy, or just...old.

the following monday i went to a benefit show for the katrina victims at the hippodrome. one of the bands that played was pretty loud and very rockin'. the older people in the audience immediately, as if by instinct, put their fingers to their ears and only took them off between songs. it made me wonder - did they ever like loud music? did they go to concerts when they were younger and hate it now that they're older? will i do that when i'm their age? so, i asked one of them. a professor from school was there with his wife, and they, following suit, kept their fingers to their ears the whole time. i asked them the questions i had been wondering and they told me that they never like loud music. not only that, they weren't used to hearing loud music, so it was a shock and discomfort. the professor told me that as he's aged background noises become louder, so he had become more sensitive to the feedback and background noise of music. neither one of them appreciated the fact that they could not hear one another over the noise.

it was good information. it was what i wanted to hear. so maybe, i asked, when i'm older i'll still like loud music because i like it now? the answer was supplied by my roommate jen - sure. you'll like it. it won't be loud to you. you won't be able to hear. we'll be deaf from all the loud concerts we've been to.

nice. must remember to take earplugs to acl next weekend. the fact that i care about losing my hearing at the concerts - does that make me responsible, or just...old?

i shouldn't have bothered

yesterday i finally got back the paper i had worked so long on. this is how class began - the professor mentions that he saw an ex-student in the hallway who stopped and asked him if he was on his way to inflict more pain. that was the professors segway into the discussion of our papers. i won't go into all the details, but he's offering us a rewrite. looks like i'll get to spend some more days working on it.

today is a crazy day. i didn't get much sleep last night. i had a presentation in class this morning and some reading to get done for another. tonight's the first public amnesty international meeting here in waco, so i've been getting things ready for that. after that there's a service for events related to the ONE campaign. in between these things i'll be reading a short story by flannery o'connor for class tomorrow.

i'm not bitter by the minus 5:

when someone wants me to listen, i can't
if i'm supposed to do something, i won't
it's hard to tell if i can get along
but i'm not bitter
i'm not bitter
not at all
just a lot

i walk around the block to avoid you
and that's when I'm in a social mood
it's just my head that hurts me right now
but i'm not bitter
i'm not bitter
not at all
just a lot

it doesn't make much sense to blame you
for the wreck my life's become

bitterness is reserved for stupid people
not for someone intelligent like me
i don't have time to feel that way
i do things backwards when i say
that i'm not bitter
i'm not bitter
i'm not bitter
i'm not bitter
not at all
just a lot

tv night was lonely

i have a confession to make. do you like it when my blog starts out that way or does it make you wonder if you want to read any further? don't worry, it's not anything major. it is, however, embarrassing: i've gotten into the ugly habit of watching sex and the city. i'm like carrie and her smoking. my roommate sonja is the older high schooler who tempted me under the tree. i am the greg brady who gave in. do you remember that episode of brady brunch? isn't it greg who smokes and peter sees him? anyway, that's me.

i don't necessarily like the abundance of sex talk in the show, but the story lines get me. i don't know if you've seen this show(and i'm pretty sure i'm really late in joining the conversation about it), but the women on the show are crazy about sex. my roommates and i sit around and constantly wonder if women really do have sex as frequently as they do. i wonder if i could ever be friends with women like them. if i were a little less stable i'd say i've already become friends with the women on the show, but it hasn't gotten to that level of obsession yet. the funny thing is that they constantly stress that you should not/can not judge them because of the amount of sex they're having, but they're always making fun of the one character who is supposed to be the more inhibited one. whatever. they'd laugh me out of the cafe and refuse to drink a cosmopolitan with me if they knew my story.

sonja actually limits the shows we watch, which is good. today after the second episode she cut me off with the promise of more later. those session things on dvd are going to be my downfall. remember this summer with freaks and geeks? if i ever decide to live like a hermit it won't be because of some deep spiritual silence of st. thomas thing. it'll be because someone has supplied me with unlimited sessions of different shows on dvd.

i'm sure you care a lot about my tv show obsessions. i don't know why i feel compelled to share them.

i am missing home a lot lately. i'm looking forward to thanksgiving. ac or not, i'm driving home. please have the tofu turkey ready.

again - i'm ending the entry with a song. it'll be my new thing. to draw in the readers, you know? except this one may repel more than attract because it's by dashboard confessional. the pixies-lover-nose-in-book-bullring-in-nose girl would despise me right now. it's so fitting, though. you already know what it's going to be, i know. ladies, i give you road rules apply. i mean, shirts and gloves - i was corrected, see comments - but only the lyrics that are applicaple. i cheat like that:

well i'm back from the road,
and you're out on it,
and i'm tired of this distance...
i'm waiting

and this phone tag game is endless,
the novelty is wearing,
i'm hoping time will pass,
without any assistance or convincing

road rules apply,
there's so much action
you're getting busy,
so i'll call you're cellular phone,
to tell you tv night was,
lonely without you,
and so am I,
so am I

it seems our day keeps falling on a leap year

so many high points on this last leg,
i can't wait to recount them,
it seems like nothing's happened until i've shared them with you,

and road rules apply
there's so much action
i'm getting busy,
so make sure that I'm up to date on tv night,
i hate to miss out,
i think I miss you most,i
on wednesdays and saturdays,
seems our day keeps falling on a leap year

i'm back on my grind

tonight i want to relax. i want to sit at the clay pot with a couple of bottles of wine, some close friends, and exert the minimal amount of energy needed to eat, laugh, speak, and hear great stories. then i want to go home, lay in bed, and find myself grateful for the life i have. not stressed. not overwhelmed. not too busy. not too tired. not with too much to do tomorrow. not spent. only grateful.

the reality of my course work demands that i spend every free minute with my nose in a book. my interests pull me away to work in other issues that i'm passionate about. everyone is just as busy. but if i spend my time thinking about it all, wondering all the time how/when it will get done, i'll go mad.

so, for my sister adriana who loves kanye west and is one of the few (only?) who read my blog, i'll close out with the chorus from his song "this way." i think you'll easily see why it summarizes my thoughts:

this time i made up my mind
this time i'm back on my grind
i know there's things in my life
that i'ma let go startin tonight
(i can't live my, i, i can't live my)
(i can't live my, i, i can't live my)
i can't live my, i, i can't live my
i can't live my this way (can't live my, i, i can't live my)
this way (i can't live my, i, i can't live my)
this way, i can't live my, i, i can't live my
i can't live my life this way

single and satisfied?

i should be reading, but starting a new blog has given me something fun to do. does the page look more homey now? not as in gangsta' homey, but, you know.

i still have not received my paper from my class, but today we were told we would have them by tuesday. i had to exegete a poem today. i think it went well.

i've been spending a lot of time in the library, which - don't get me started. don't even get me started - has become my hell away from home. it's not that i despise my classwork, i really enjoy it. in fact, reading and studying the reprisal by george herbert was very enjoyable. it made me wish i had more opportunity to pursue literary studies, but it's so time consuming. it's a task that is never ending. i do wish i could stay at home and read. yesterday i attempted to and ended up sitting on the couch watching a movie with my roommate. i finally made myself leave, mid movie, to go to the library.

at the library, there are always friends and that makes the time spent much more enjoyable. yesterday, my friend christy and i were speaking when we were interrupted by another friend (a male) who asked something like, "isn't that right, christy?" assuming that we had been listening to his conversation with our other friend, he interrupted our own in an effort to be supported in his claim that it is possible to be "single and satisfied." once the question was clarified, "aren't you single and satisfied?", my friend responded with a "yeah" that was lacking in credibility. he was surprised, so i clarified - sometimes it's enough, even great, but single life has its moments. we're satisfied, it just depends on when you ask.

christy and i then went on to make our jokes about the whole matter, which will not be repeated here (or anywhere else - right, christy?). i drove home wondering if i was really satisfied or if i just always lied when i said i was. my conclusion brought me to a moment of extreme gratitude for my faith in God.

the truth is that i do sometimes find myself lonely. i am not always satisfied when i grocery shop alone, watch a movie alone, drive with the windows down listening to a great song alone, laugh at the surprisingly funny things i see while walking around campus alone. there are times when i wish i had someone beside me, perhaps holding my hand, who would say, "did you see that?" then i'd simply say, "yeah." and we'd laugh until we stopped at our expected destination. it seems like such a simple request. why is it so difficult to have?

at the height of my frustration, i was reminded of the great community i have with my family, friends at school, work, and church, and, of course, with God. i wasn't alone at all. i hope that i will arrive at this conclusion as quickly the next time i encounter a moment of weakness, but who knows? last night i was grateful in that moment. with windows down, i cranked up the song playing: "if you fall will you get up? stuck in a dream will you wake up? if you find love will you hold on to it?" and drove my satisfied self home.

one of three

i made a vow. i told myself that the next time i had trouble viewing my blog at blogpod, i would leave it for good. yesterday i couldn't post, so here i am starting my third online blog. the other two have been abandoned for good reason.

there's not much time to make a decent posting now, but this is good for starts. i hope it's not too much trouble for you to make the switch to read.