with a rat-tat-tattle-um ho-dum-diddly-um hey it's time to take down the tree

the other day, my sisters and i spoke about the things that made this christmas not feel like christmas. for me, the main thing was that i was reading books and articles on china the whole time. for my family, it was probably the fact that i was going around sharing newly-learned facts. did you know twice as many people shop at walmart everyday as live in switzerland? did you know that mao zedong had a campaign to wipe out the four pests - rats, flies, mosquitoes, and sparrows - and that he got the people of china to do crazy things to get rid of sparrows? with the birds gone, there was a surplus of locusts that led to an agricultural disaster and the great famine in 1960. who wouldn't have wanted me around this christmas? i was a walking encyclopedia article on china.

there were other things. we had the a/c on one day, and most of the days were considerably warm. yesterday felt like a summer morning.

nana thinks someone paid the stores to stop playing certain christmas songs like "my grown-up christmas list," and i only heard my favorite pop christmas song once this holiday season. that wasn't even when we were shopping, it was at a restaurant with friends. still, once i realized we hadn't heard it enough, i think i sang it enough times to make up for it.




last christmas, i gave you my heart. the very next day, you gave it away. this year, to save me from tears, i'll give it to someone special.




i'll bet he even does the same hand motions as i do. look how cool he is. how could he not?




and i'm leaving today because i haven't worked nearly as diligently as i should've. the empty house in waco should allow me an environment to get some stuff done. i think this is the earliest i've ever left during the christmas break.

but all of that stuff isn't really what makes christmas. that's why we didn't really realize they had been missing until much later. if the obvious, constant things that we are fortunately accustomed to had been gone - the good cheer, great love, reminders of salvation - we would definitely have noticed a change in our time together.

still, next year maybe we'll get to hear the grown-up christmas list song.

i just finished translating for a co-worker at a parent luncheon. i had forgotten how much i really enjoy speaking with parents and helping them talk through issues related to their students. these parents genuinely care about their children and are desperately hoping to find someone who will listen to their frustrations and help them understand their child. i know i don't have children of my own, but i feel like four years in the high school and even more working with middle and high-schoolers lends me some credibility in this area. i was nervious at first that my vocabulary would escape me, but it was not too shabby.
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last night i went with some friends to watch syriana. i took me about an hour into the movie before i finally understood how everything and everyone came together...the movie is only about two hours long: this company lost their drilling rights to china so they want to merge with this company who has a holding in kazakhstan. this man has to find some dirt on one of the companies, but not enough to keep the deal from happening. george clooney (who suddenly looks like he could be my dad) is being used as a pawn by the cia. the one prince who wants to break ties with the u.s. finds it impossible. in short, america's dealings in the global oil industry are CORRUPT. one of the best scenes is when this guy (with the committe to liberate iran and an oilman with one of the oil companies in the merger) talks with the lawyer. [i should've paid attention to names, i guess]:

he quotes milton friedman, a nobel prize winner: "corruption is government intrusion into market efficiencies in the form of regulation." his next line sets up the whole movie, "we have laws against it precisely so we can get away with it. corruption is our protection...corruption is why you and i are prancing around in here instead of fighting over scraps of meat out in the street. it's why we win."

the movie was interesting. it's intense but definitely worth watching. it's frustrating sometimes to know that so much corruption does exist and affects the lives of so many people. i generally don't want to spend time seeing something as depressing as this movie. corruption abounds. there's really nothing i can do about it. the american government makes life difficult even for those who are loyal to it. still, the movie addresses critical issues and allows you to ponder about things that matter. you should see it. take dad. he'd like it.

it was 525,600 hours long

i fell asleep watching david letterman, woke up at 9. the only things on my to do list were emailing, blogging, paying tuition, and planning for christy's party tonight. most of those things i've already gotten done while at work and it's only a little after 1. being done with classes feels great. i'm giving myself two or three days of freedom before i start work for that i-term class.

i went to see rent last night. my friend and i were initially joined by three girls who sat in front and took pictures of themselves before the movie started. once it started, they gave it about 15 minutes and then walked out. we were the only two left in the theater. i was determined to stick it out, and so was my friend - though he with drooping eyes. it was a lot easier when i realized he wasn't enjoying the movie either. then i was free to make snide comments about how obvious the dialogue and lyrics were. i was pleased that he was happy to join me in the making fun. i thought the musical was supposed to be edgy and original. i'll only give two examples as reason for my disliking the movie, but keep in mind that these two reasons are good reflections of the whole movie. 1) when the boy with long hair sings, it doesn't really matter what type of song the cast is singing, the music behind him automatically turns into ballad rock. 2) when the girl on drugs almost dies, but is brought back to life because of the rock ballad song about her eyes, the first thing she says is, "i saw a warm, white light" - or something very similar. i had heard that the movie was sad, and it's true there are some sad events, but i could never take it seriously enough to find it to have any significance. i smirked through most of the movie and even took a break to use the bathroom (this is something i almost never do).

i know a bunch of you loved the movie, but i'm not budging on this. my disdain for the movie will remain forever.

tonight's activities appear to be more promising. it's christy's birthday. speaking of...i must go make our dinner reservations.

two down, one to go

it's time to turn my thoughts away from old testament study and the history of the spread of christianity to a more literary and theological frame of mind. actually, my class on the gospel and the imagination coincided quite well with my old testament class. what i'm really trying to say is, that class is over. it's time to review everything dr. wood's ever said in class.

it's interesting to go back and think about everything i've learned this semester. yesterday, in my oral exam, which

sidenote: the experience of that was what i would imagine a wedding
day to be like. i prepared and studied for an embarrasing
amount of time, only to sit and talk for 20 min. about 5
of those minutes wasn't even really related to what i had
studied, but about my life and experience with the class.
it was nice, and hopefully a sign that my answer to the
test question was satisfactory, but, man. there was no
honeymoon afterwards.

but, my professor asked how my views of God had changed throughout the semester. then, she asked how i had changed. the answers to those kinds of questions are ones that i had thought about, but had not been made to articulate until that point. it was a nice moment of reflection for me. i surprised myself a little when i realized how influenced i had been the things i've read and the conversations i've had this semester.

my thoughts are preocuppied now with theological terms, flannery o'connor, karl barth, kalistos ware, george herbert, etc. all the wonderful people we've read. i know i've posted a poem by him before, but i'll post another today. this one is becoming one of my favorite herbert poems and is one i actually got to present in class. it's a mystery how one can find comfort in recognizing humanity's finitude.

Employment. (I)

IF as a flowre doth spread and die,
Thou wouldst extend me to some good,
Before I were by frosts extremitie
Nipt in the bud;

The sweetnesse and the praise were thine;
But the extension and the room,
Which in thy garland I should fill, were mine
At thy great doom.

For as thou dost impart thy grace,
The greater shall our glorie be.
The measure of our joyes is in this place,
The stuffe with thee.

Let me not languish then, and spend
A life as barren to thy praise,
As is the dust, to which that life doth tend,
But with delaies.

All things are busie; onely I
Neither bring hony with the bees,
Nor flowres to make that, nor the husbandrie
To water these.

I am no link of thy great chain,
But all my companie is a weed.
Lord place me in thy consort; give one strain
To my poore reed.

remember: i've not had much sleep...

in light of recent events and my current state of mind, i've decided to give myself some reminders. if you're like me (that is, slightly prone to feeling lonely), consider these to be warnings. i can't believe that a few things could leave me feeling so lacking in companionship.

1. don't hang out with couples married for over 60 years or under 60 days; avoid the recently engaged, happily dating, or single obsessed with dating, marriage, and/or making-out.
2. don't visit the home of any single male who:
- owns his own home
- has a stable career
- makes his own furniture
- is a great host
even if there's no attraction beyond friendship, the encounter will make your mind wander to the subject you want to avoid.
3. don't be friendly to arrogant boys - they will mistake your kindness for flirtation [as though no woman could possibly resist them], and will respond by avoiding you in the hallways at school. while their behavior is a good reminder of how crappy (i decided to delete the expletive)boys can be - and consequently a source of comfort: who wants them?, it can also result in hurt feelings, which lead to added bitterness.
4. don't listen to louis armstrong, otis redding, polyphonic spree, yo la tengo, bjork, beatles, even elliot smith...avoid anything overly melodic or poetical.

INSTEAD:
1. answer every call from single girlfriends who won't laugh at your present condition, but who instead offer to be supportive company.
2. decide to be indifferent to any boy who doesn't know you well enough to accept genuine kindness.
3. sing aloud to shakira, sheila nichols, and ben folds five (mostly whatever & ever...). christmas carols are generally acceptable, though overly sentimental ones that make you have visions of your own children decorating the tree should, of course, be fast-forwarded.
4. most importantly - bundle yourself up well in this cold weather. being able to keep warm on your own reminds you that you don't need anyone's added body heat (with exception to those referred to in #1).

finals, schminals

i've been studying for my oral final. thurs. 3:30. then friday, 8:00 AM, another. i have a lot i want to say, especially about last night...but i have no brain power or will. after mon. i will be done with finals. then i can start my reading for the i-term. i just found out what book i'm reading for my presentation: God and caesar in china: policy implications of church-state tensions. sounds pretty interesting.

it's sometimes better to laugh

by 5:00 friday evening, i had a total of 8-10 hours of sleep - for the week. in the middle of writing three papers, a book review, class reading, working on the seminary journal (which may not be out in time, yikes), and work, there were some surprises. the paper-writing and stuff isn't that big of deal, really. i mean, i knew all along that was coming. but the heat going out in the house (making for extremely cold nights and lack of sleep), my alarm clock deciding to quit working (in the middle of the night), a stress induced fever blister, my neglecting to save a paper on the flash disk (i went to print it, but it was nowhere to be found), even the friendly people from school who randomly stopped to chat while i was working on my paper in the library (as they should, i'm not complianing about that - it's just not planned) - those things were unexpected. on thurs. morning when i, running late (remember the alarm clock?), discovered that i had no paper to print out for class, i thought about getting mad, maybe crying, but it seemed more appropriate to laugh. isn't this all really ridiculous sometimes? it's impossible to take myself so seriously, when at every turn i'm reminded that there are so many things i have no control over. i'm not talking about a tragic kind of ridiculous, where knowledge of my lack of control leads to complete apathy or depression. this is more a redemptive kind of ridiculous. where my finitude reminds me that there is something greater. Someone willing to listen to my complaints and help me place them in correct perspective. at 4 AM, on thurs. night/fri. morning when i was still in the library realizing i would have another night of minimal sleep, i was again frustrated with myself, and tired, moody. but having just finished peter devries the blood of the lamb before thanksgiving, all i could think about was wanting to throw at least half a pie in the face of the statue...and that made me laugh.

see, devina, if you had read the book over the holidays like i wanted you to, you would catch the allusion and appreciate my entry a lot more.